Packing for Sacrifice
We are hiding underground with others,
but to me they are like my brothers
All I see are my brothers in fear,
and some other people hiding in tears
We are all scared we suffered enough,
come on guys I know this is rough
We are sacrificing our lives for our hometown,
and when we get home we will make them proud
I am suffering of hunger photos are all I got,
but all I see are innocent people getting shot
All my loved one are 800 km far,
the only way we navigate is just to follow the stars
Innocent kids crying till there tears run out,
was like me I would know what I would felt
The War Zone appears
We are entering our opponent’s territory when we leave we will leave with glory
“I need to take cover to reload”and tell our air force to hack into their code
All I hope is that we will never surrender but all i can think of is christmas having steak that is so tender
Half of our enemies are enemies are dead a quarter of the floor isn’t covered with liquidy red
2 deadly months has just past,finally this dangerous war this has finished at last
My Learning Story
I am good at using a good title which will tell them more
I got better at using an interesting hook because i made my reader have a feeling
It’s hard for me to use similes, metaphors because I don't know that much about them
It’s hard for me to Include something unusual because I don't know unusual stuff
I need to work on using different sentence starters because my reader might get bored
Tevin’s feedback: You were good at: rhyming and adding really good detail and giving everyone a picture in their heads about the war.
You don’t got anything to work on because you hooked in the reader.
Kate’s feedback
This is a great poem Zion. What a really clever choice of text type to share your ideas. You have really made a picture in your readers head. You have chosen powerful words to help your reader visualise.
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